We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
