Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
