she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
