My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
