Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
