margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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