My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
