It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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