tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
