I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
