I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
