I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
