one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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