He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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