I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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