Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
