I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
