His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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