the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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