ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
