Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
