as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
