I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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