I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
