Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
