I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
