sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think a kid would responsible me up
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
