I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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