How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
