Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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