now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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