You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
