Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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