remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
