I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
