who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
