i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
