dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
