So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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