Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
