Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
