can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
