I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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