Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
