What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
