fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
