Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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