she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i dont even know how to be here
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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