Where is the hickey?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
