it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
