Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
