I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
