Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
