Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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