Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
