did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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