i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
