when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
